Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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