My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
