I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
