Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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