My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
