I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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