My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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