Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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