Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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