i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
