i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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