he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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