Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
