you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
