the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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