Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
