I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
