whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
