I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
