oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
