I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
