If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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