Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
