capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
