I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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