Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Randomize
