I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
