im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
