my shit smells like andre
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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