i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
