youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm at about main and main street
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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