Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
