Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
