I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is wine microwaveable?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
