I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
