Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
