she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
