I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
