its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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