Don't you send me to vm
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
