My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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