Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
