Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
