You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
