i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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