dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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