By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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