nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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