and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
