so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
